No one can ever write a manual for how to live, simply because we experience the same thing in so many different ways. I have been looking for a simple description of a feeling for the past few hours, only to come to the conclusion that maybe I am the only person in the world who experiences this the way I do. I am searching for a name for something that I will never be able to find, not because it doesn’t exist, but because I am the one who has found it.
I wonder what it’s like for other people to live. What do they see? How does the world look to them? To me, I constantly feel as if I’m inside a bubble watching the world go on around me, wanting to reach out and touch but not able to, wanting to live but not sure how. It’s as if I’m not really alive, but a spectator, yet my actions are still on display because they have the propensity to hurt someone else. I suppose the first step to living is popping the bubble, but I’m pretty sure it’s made of some extraterrestrial material that’s impossible to crack.
I always knew that everyone was unique, and all that hoo-rah, but it never occurred to me that we could experience the same exact emotions in entirely different ways. At the core, since we are all human, we all have the same basic human needs and emotions, so I had always thought that the same way sadness feels to me it’s gonna feel to someone else. When you hear someone talk about a feeling they have and you go “Wow! That’s EXACTLY how I felt”, it’s amazing at the silent community that goes on behind the closed eyes of our feelings, and we feel as if someone can actually relate to us. But because we each see the world so uniquely, even while someone else’s description may be that we’re thinking at the time, we all experience it in entirely different ways.
In seeking self-actualization and fulfillment therefore, we cannot base out lives on someone else’s experiences. We can draw inspiration from others, but we cannot say that because this person overcame this by doing that, or because such person has such a happy life, let’s try doing these things to have one too. Because everyone is experiencing every moment in a completely different way from we are.
I have always had a problem with communication, and I believe it is because even though I know that everyone is different, I have never been able to fully grasp the concept that other people aren’t experiencing the world the way I am. It’s like looking through a pair of binoculars. We are all seeing the same thing, but if you are beside me looking from a different angle, you have a different plane of view. And that to me is hard to accept, because I will never be able to see everything the way someone else does, and it is hard for us to look through one another’s binoculars. The most important part of communicating, living, and understanding, is realizing that we are blind to a lot of things that other’s aren’t, and making our decisions without these pockets of vision.
(Thought: Creativity flows from that dark place where we cannot find ourselves so instead we attempt to manifest it in our work.)